Have you ever encountered someone with whom you just couldn't connect?

Perhaps it was a colleague you struggled to collaborate with, or an individual you frequently argued with.

Such circumstances can leave you pondering your best course of action.

Should you overlook them, treat them with kindness, or confront them?

If you've felt uncertain about how to proceed, you are not alone.

Fortunately, over 200 years ago, Benjamin Franklin, the renowned American inventor and politician, provided a solution to address these challenging situations.

Benjamin Franklin was an exceptionally intelligent individual, excelling not only in politics and science but also in interpersonal relations.

During his time as a representative for Pennsylvania, a formidable adversary delivered an extensive speech that sharply criticized him, posing a significant threat to Franklin's political future.

In an effort to alter his opponent's perception of him, Franklin chose to reach out with a letter requesting a favor.

He asked to borrow a rare and valuable book from the man's private collection.

To Franklin's surprise, his enemy promptly sent the book.

After reading it, Franklin returned the book along with a note expressing his gratitude.

This strategic move not only showcased his cleverness but also helped to mend their relationship.

When Franklin encountered his adversary again, the man treated him with kindness.

Over time, they developed a friendship that lasted their whole lives.

In his autobiography, Franklin described this transformation.

He noted that a person who has performed a kindness is more inclined to offer another.

By requesting a minor favor from his former enemy, Franklin allowed him the opportunity to show goodwill, which ultimately changed their relationship.

This occurrence is now referred to as the Benjamin Franklin effect.

Many believe that doing favors for those who dislike you will win their approval.

However, to foster a connection with someone who harbors negative feelings, requesting a favor from them is more effective.

A psychologist conducted an experiment to explore this idea and found consistent results that support this approach, reinforcing the notion that asking for help can improve relationships with those who oppose you.

Approximately 80 students were invited to take part in an experiment where they were promised money after completing a series of tests.

A researcher was recruited for the study, but he alienated the students by being rude to them.

Following the tests, all participants received the promised money and were divided into three groups.

Group 1 was approached by the researcher and asked to return a portion of their prize money.

He claimed that he had used his own funds for the tests and that the study was in jeopardy due to dwindling resources.

Group 2 was asked by a secretary to return some money to the institution because of budget constraints.

Group 3 was not asked to return any money at all.

Once this was done, all groups rated their feelings toward the researcher.

Interestingly, those in Group 1, who had done a personal favor for the researcher by returning part of their money, expressed the most favorable opinions about him.

Despite their initial negative impression during the experiment, their feelings improved after they returned some money to him.

Why do we tend to feel more positively about individuals for whom we perform favors?

This phenomenon can be explained by the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance.

We desire our actions and beliefs to align harmoniously.

When we engage in activities we dislike, this harmony is disrupted, leading to feelings of discomfort.

When a conflict arises between our thoughts and behaviors (cognitive dissonance), we tend to adjust one to ease the discontent.

For instance, after lending a book to Franklin, his adversary experienced cognitive dissonance.

He felt uneasy because he was being kind to someone he held in low regard.

To alleviate this tension, he needed to alter his perception.

The simplest resolution was to convince himself that Franklin wasn't as bad as he thought, ultimately leading him to believe that he actually had a favorable opinion of Franklin.

Thus, performing favors can subtly shift our attitudes toward others, even those we initially dislike.

Do you wish to improve a relationship?

Consider requesting a small favor from that person, like borrowing a pencil or asking them to watch your belongings briefly.

Observe how their feelings toward you might shift afterward.

There's a good chance you'll notice a positive change in their attitude.