Hobbes held that if we knew in advance the worst that war could do to us, that knowledge would be an effective preventative measure. He was writing specifically about civil war, as opposed to international war, because he felt that closeness gives a greater potential to wound. Consider the constructive relations the United States developed with Germany and Japan, beginning immediately after the terrible events of World War II. Then compare that with the overheated emotional reaction you are still bound to get by bringing up the Civil War just about anywhere in the American South. The War between the States is still being fought at home on many levels, almost a century and a half later, while our foreign enemies of fifty years ago are now our friends. Similarly family feuds are more bitter and lasting than neighborly disputes.

Acceptance of change will better enable you to "roll with the punches" and tolerate the fickle nature of fate. ​Conversely, the more reliant you are on things staying as they are, the more you are at risk of depression if you lose the person to whom you are most attached or move from the place with which you most identify. A man's ego (or sense of self) must conform to unfolding realities, even if they are unexpected. Winning a large sum of money in a lottery or later-life grandparenthood can be as stressful and identity changing as selling the home your children grew up in. ​​Men who score high on measures of adaptability and "ego flexibility" are at lower risk of depression as they age. ​ They are able to adjust to changes with less disruption to their happiness, pride, and sense of purpose in life. ​​Older men who have been able to develop flexibility are able to maintain a more positive perspective.